How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
