As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
