Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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