I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
