I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
