Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
