Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
