If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
