I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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