allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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