chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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