I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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