You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
