omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
