Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The adults are the big ones right?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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