either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need water and some morals
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
