She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
