Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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