Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
