Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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