A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
