It's like God shit irony all over that family
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
