im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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