oh god the rape fog is back!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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