So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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