I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
