Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize