before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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