new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
