Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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