I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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