420 ftw
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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