I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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