Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
