Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
