You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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