I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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