haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Randomize
