Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize
