yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize