dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The Olympian is in my bed
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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