are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
