The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
