my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize