Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
