..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
