Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
