Umm I'm too high to move.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize