im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It was like giving head to a cactus.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
