how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think your dad took our porno
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
