i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
