At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
