You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize