Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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