Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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