Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
