he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
