Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
