she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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