dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
