i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
