There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
