you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You've changed since you got that strap on
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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