ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
