it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Someone came in the potted fern
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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