i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
