I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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