only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
