I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
