Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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